How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I supernannyed him into submission
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
