just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
