So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
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