you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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