I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
