I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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