SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
