omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
