reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
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