the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
