our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Randomize
