using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Randomize
