ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
You may now shotgun with the bride
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
