final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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