She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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