Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
