went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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