So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
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