i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
