Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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