I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
