My first STD was from a foam party
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Randomize
