Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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