I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I'm both gender and math confused
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
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