Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Randomize
