..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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