Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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