sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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