It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
3 2 1 whiskey
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
