the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
We're hate flirting, damnit.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
