I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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