fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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