My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
