i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
