the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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