I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
