that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
