Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
