There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
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