Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
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