how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Randomize
