Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
