I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
