she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
