so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
im six kinds of drunk right now
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
We are two peas in an std pod
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
