please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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