dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
