Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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