i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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