I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
