the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
