Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
