You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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