I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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