What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
