He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Redeem this text for a blowjob
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
