there's paper in my vomit.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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