He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
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