Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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