a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
