then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
