You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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