Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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