Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize