with your own penis?
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Sorry about my life...
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
