I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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