I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
